Ever the Same
by DiBye
Summary: With Maxie breaking down and Lulu in danger, hidden feelings come to a head. Will they be able to forge a romantic relationship or will their friendship be lost for good? Pairing: Maxie and Lulu Slash
1. Feeling a Moment

**Ever the Same**

Type of Fic: Multi-Chapter

Pairing: Maxie and Lulu

Summery: With Maxie breaking down and Lulu in danger, hidden feelings come to a head. Will they be able to forge a romantic relationship or will their friendship be lost for good?

Authors Note: This is my first time ever writing a slash fic. So far it hasn't been all that different from any other pairing. This is going to be slow moving but trust me, it will get there. Also, I'm not as comfortable writing Lulu as I am writing Maxie, so I apologize if there is trouble with her characterization. Please comment and let me know what you think!

**Chapter 1: Feeling a Moment**

She felt it in her bones. Before she heard or saw anything, she felt it.

Standing in the doorway of her apartment, Lulu let a chill run up her spine. Something was wrong, something was very wrong. As goose bumps prickled at her skin, the young girl listened to the rush of water vibrating in the distance. Stepping further into the room, Lulu heard the echo of choking sobs, hidden subtly beneath the veil of water. Setting down her purse, the blonde carefully walked towards the bathroom before pausing at the kitchen. A blanket of glass littered the ground, drops of blood splattered amidst the chaos.

"Maxie…" Lulu called out hesitantly. Her voice drown in the hum of her thudding heart. As her breath quickened, Lulu finally rushed to the bathroom. Gently opening the door, she swallowed a breath.

"I didn't mean to." Maxie looked up sharply with tears in her eyes. Her voice was small and it shook with unknown emotion. Lulu steadied herself with a hand on the sink, afraid her knees would give out.

"It's okay." She whispered, not believing a word she uttered. Lulu's eyes searched the room, trying to make sense of the scene in front of her. Maxie Jones sat in a pool of water, completely and undeniably broken.

"It's okay." She repeated, kneeling next to Maxie and gently taking the blondes hand in her own. Maxie was sitting in the bathtub with her knees drawn to her chest and her designer clothes still clinging to her dripping body. Her hair was matted and her makeup was tragically smeared left and right. The tub was two or three inches full and water held a pinkish tint. The bitter taste of blood hung in the stale air.

"I dropped a glass." Maxie choked out, shivering in her soaking wet clothes. Lulu nodded numbly and leaned over to shut the water off. "I was doing dishes and it just slipped out of my hands, and I cut myself." She explained futilely.

"Let me see." Lulu whispered, reaching for Maxie's injured hand. The blood pooled into Maxie palm and trickled to Lulu's own hand as she held it. As the ruby colored drops splattered across her own light skin, Lulu felt something in the air shift. Maxie's blood was on Lulu's hands. The intimacy of it struck a cord in Lulu that she hadn't even known existed.

"I'm sorry." Maxie whimpered looking down. "I didn't mean to." She said yet again, making Lulu wonder how true those words were. Reaching for a cloth, Lulu wrapped the fabric around Maxie's hand and held it in place.

"Don't be sorry. It's okay." She responded, knowing her own words were just as pretend as Maxie's. But maybe if they both repeated it enough, it would become the truth. Maybe.

"Lulu…" Maxie looked up and caught Lulu's hazel eyes with her own blue orbs. There was a helplessness in her voice, a cry of defeat.

"What happened Maxie?" She question. Both girls knew that Lulu wasn't talking about the broken glass or even the water logged bathroom. She wanted to know what had happened to Maxie, what had cracked her so deeply.

"I ruined everything." Maxie cried, shoulders shaking.

"No, no Maxie." Lulu assured her, using her free hand to lightly touch the blonde's damp hair.

"Spinelli believed in me. He trusted me." She sobbed. Lulu closed her eyes and swallowed. It had been days since Maxie had confessed her sins to Lulu. And with each passing minute the reformed bad girl was beating herself up more and more.

"You made a mistake, everyone makes mistakes." She comforted.

"My whole life is one giant mistake! Spinelli was the only thing I ever did right. And now look what I did. Why do I do these things Lulu?" Her voice held a begging quality, a sharp wonder that broke Lulu's heart.

"Look at me Maxie. Look at me!" She demanded. "You are one of the most self destructive people I have ever met. You have a knack for royally screwing yourself and everyone around you."

"Well that's helpful!" Maxie exclaimed.

"Hey! I'm not finished. You can be a world class idiot, but you don't deserve this. You don't deserve this crap that you're put yourself through. You suck at relationships, okay? But you know what, so do I. Maxie you fucked up with Spinelli but that doesn't change who you are. You love him and you never meant to hurt him." Lulu finished sternly.

"You're just saying that because I look really pathetic right now." Maxie argued.

"Well yeah, but… I'm also saying it because you're my friend. I know who you are Maxie. You aren't the devil that you paint yourself to be and you're not the angel that Spinelli dreamed up. You're a real person. You're my best friend." Lulu admitted. Maxie stared at her for a long moment. Had anyone ever pegged her so simply and effortlessly? It was in that moment that Maxie saw who she was in Lulu's eyes. And that image wasn't something to live up to or to be ashamed of.

"I guess." She sniffled.

"Come on, you have to get cleaned up and out of those wet clothes. Your gonna get sick and then Kate will have both of our heads." Lulu let a hint of a smile grace her lips. Maxie nodded in determination before swiping her good hand across her face in an effort to rid it of tears.

"God, you're a mess." Lulu muttered as she helped Maxie stand and step out of the tub. Her words were lost in the thunder of water splashing around the tub. "Hold on to this." She instructed, letting go of the towel wrapped around Maxie's cut. She turned to grab a larger towel and set it on the sink near by. Next she reached out to undo one of the buttons on Maxie's shirt.

"I can undress myself thanks." Maxie snapped lamely, swatting Lulu's hand away. The young Spencer nearly amended. But the look in Maxie's eye let her know that she needed to stay. Maxie needed her.

"You can't even take a bath by yourself." She fired back with little force. Lulu reached forward again, this time with no pause. She carefully unbuttoned Maxie's top and helped her to glide it off her body. The fabric clung to the petite blond as Lulu's finger tips grazed her friend's bare skin, sending a rush of air to her lungs. The sound of water dripping to the floor gave both girls something to focus on, a reason to ignore everything their bodies were telling them to pay attention to.

After her top had been discarded, Lulu let Maxie wriggle from her skirt. Lulu's unwavering hand kept her steady the entire time. Left only in a bra and underwear, Maxie let Lulu wrap her in a soft towel, her hands lingering a second longer than needed.

"You're cleaning this up later." Lulu commented, motioning to the disheveled bathroom. The shivering blond in front of her nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm never gonna hear the end of this one am I?" She smirked, regaining her usual demeanor. Lulu felt almost dizzy with happiness at the attitude in Maxie's voice. She was still there. Maxie was still there.

"Probably not." She smirked back.

"Right. Well, I'm gonna go… change." Maxie replied looking away. A moment of silence passed between the two before Maxie finally stepped towards the door.

"Listen Lulu, I just -" She paused in consideration. "Thank you." She finally let out quietly. The two locked eyes before Lulu responded.

"It's okay." She said, this time truly meaning it.

**00000 00000 00000**

She felt her presence before she heard the knock. Maxie could practically hear Lulu pacing back and forth in the hallway in front of her bedroom door. After what seemed like forever, a soft tapping finally sounded on Maxie's door.

"Come in." She called from her place in front of her mirror. After changing into fresh clothes, Maxie had dried her hair and was now applying new make-up.

"Hey, I ah, I cleaned up the kitchen. The bathroom is still yours though." Lulu mentioned as she sat down on the end of Maxie's bed.

"That can wait." Maxie flippantly replied. Raising a brow, Lulu looked around in confusion.

"Are you like, going somewhere?" She questioned. It had been just over an hour since Maxie's slight break down and now the blonde was acting as if nothing had even happened.

"Oh no. WE are going somewhere." She responded with a glint in her ocean eyes. Lulu felt herself fight back a sigh. Maxie was up to no good yet again.

"Maxie…" She warned.

"Lulu, I swear, a little fun will not kill you." Swiping some bronzer across her cheeks Maxie threw Lulu a smirk in the mirror.

"Well with you, I'm not so sure." She snapped.

"Come on, I really need to get out of the house. I need to have some fun." She pouted, turning her head to look at Lulu.

"The last time you had fun, you ended up in bed with a psycho." Lulu reminded her.

"Ouch, low blow." Maxie muttered, turning back to the mirror.

"Sorry, It's just… I don't think going out is the best idea Maxie." Lulu responded.

"But it'll be fun! We can go to Jake's or- Oh! We can go to the Haunted Star and gamble! You love to gamble, you're a Spencer!" She clapped her hands in excitement. As much as Lulu wanted to roll her eyes at Maxie's antics, she also felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. Maxie's happiness was contagious.

"Not all Spencer's like to gamble." She argued, knowing that she had already lost this battle.

"Right, and Sonny is just a coffee importer." Her sarcasm was light and good natured.

"Fine. But we're only going out for a little while. Then you are coming back here and cleaning that bathroom." Lulu instructed, trying to ignore the sparkling smile that Maxie gave her.

"Of course!" She agreed.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is going to be a long night?" Lulu groaned before falling back on Maxie's bed in frustration. She could just never say no to those big blue eyes.

**00000 00000 00000 **

The atmosphere was light and airy as the two blondes walked into the Haunted Star. Their arms were linked and their smiles were identical. After much persuasion, Maxie had convinced Lulu to dress up and come out with her. The two girls looked like a pictures straight out of a magazine. With shining hair and silk adorned figures, they were knockouts.

"Papa Spencer sure has spruced this place up." Maxie mused as they walked further into the room. The place wasn't too crowded, but there were a dozen or so guests perusing the area. The smell of filthy money was thick, and not to be ignored.

"I think Ethan did most of the work actually. My dad's been, well… my dad." She replied shrugging her shoulders. Lulu did her best to ignore the way that Maxie tightened their arms together, and the way that it comforted her.

"Speaking of your hot, illegitimate brother." Maxie nodded to the bar where Ethan had just taken post. "Let's go say hello." She continued before dragging Lulu along with her.

"Well hello ladies, don't you two just look sinfully troublesome." He greeted them while pulling a bottle of tequila from a shelf. Maxie let go of Lulu's arm and rested her hands on the bar top.

"Hey Ethan." Lulu smiled warmly. Though they didn't know each other very well, Ethan and Lulu got along and were well on their way to forming a familial relationship.

"Is that tequila? Yes please!" Maxie exclaimed reaching out for it. Ethan pulled it back with a chuckle and reached for a couple of shot glasses.

"You up for one too sis?" He questioned. Maxie quickly threw Lulu a look that said she had better accept. Rolling her eyes, Lulu relented.

"What the hell, sure." She replied, taking a seat on the stool nearby. The Aussie native quickly filled three shot glasses with the bronze liquid and slid two towards the girls.

"Cheers then?" He smiled, holding up his own shot. Both girls clinked their glass with his and echoed his previous statement. Then they turned to each other and locked eyes before clinking their own glasses.

"Cheers." Maxie whispered before downing her shot. Lulu followed in suit, hoping to numb the percolating feelings that swirled in her gut.

"No salt and no lime? I like you girls' brass." Ethan bellowed grandly.

"What can we say, we're just way more awesome than the other girls in town. Or anywhere actually." Maxie added as an after thought. Lulu took a moment to feel good about her friendship with Maxie. It wasn't too long ago that things were entirely different. They were at each other's throats with no indication of letting up. And she wasn't quite sure exactly when things had changed, but she was glad that they did. Seeing Maxie's smiled directed at her gave Lulu a warm, almost mushy feeling inside. It might make her sick if she wasn't so damn happy about it.

"Hey, I'm gonna go say hi to Sam, I'll be right back." Maxie said, shaking Lulu from her thoughts. Looking over, Lulu saw that Sam and Kristina had just arrived. And while they looked to be on a mission of sorts, Lulu saw that Sam smiled warmly at Maxie as the two friends waved at each other. Kristina waved eagerly at Ethan who chuckled and returned the gesture.

"Okay, I'll be here." She replied casually. Leaving her purse behind, Maxie hopped off her stool and scurried away. Lulu let her eyes follow the blonde every step of the way.

"If I didn't know better-" Ethan began.

"Huh?" Lulu snapped, turning to face Ethan. His playful look morphed into one of confusion, and then hesitancy.

"Nothing. Never mind." He replied. Lulu thought about pressing him for an answer, but the look in his eye told her not to go there. For her own sake.

"Okay. So… you've really gotten this place back into shape. It looks great Ethan, really." She commended. The pride in his eyes didn't give justice to his feelings of accomplishment.

"Yeah, well I still need to get a few of the tables running again but it's a start." He looked around the room critically.

"I'm sure dad really appreciates the help." She added, still unsure of how to refer to Luke while talking to Ethan.

"I guess. So ah- what brings you here this fine evening? No hot date with the mob associate tonight?" He changed the subject quickly, not wanting to dwell on his uncertain status in the Spencer family.

"Dante is working tonight. Besides we aren't like- I'm not his girlfriend or anything. We're taking things slow." She informed him.

"Having a girls night then?" He questioned.

"Maxie insisted on going out. And she really doesn't let up when she sets her mind on something." Lulu smiled fondly. Ethan looked back at her, the same glint from earlier was set in his eyes.

"She's like your best mate, yeah?" He questioned, sounding as if he were walking on broken glass. Lulu looked instinctively back at Maxie, who was still talking to Sam.

"Yeah. It's so weird to say that though. I mean, not too long ago we hated each other. I mean, really hated each other." She laughed lightly.

"You know what they say, there's a fine line…" He trailed off giving Lulu a pointed look. His words felt like a punch to the gut.

Was he getting at what she thought he was getting at? Seeing that she had read his double meaning, he looked away and began wiping the bar top. Lulu was left to simmer in the echo of Ethan's words and newly replenished feel of Maxie's skin on her fingertips. She looked down at her hands and remembered the way red droplets of blood had scatter across them. The marks were gone now but, she didn't think it would ever really wash away.

**00000 00000 00000**


	2. I Feel the Earth Move

Authors Note: Sorry for the long wait, I actually wasn't sure if I was going to continue with this fic. I have it mapped out better than I usually do with fics but I was a little uninspired. Recent Lulu/Maxie scenes have inspired me so… here you go! Please let me know what you think!

**Chapter 2: I Feel the Earth Move**

…

It was comfortably quiet in the Crimson office. Only the gentle click of a keyboard or the subtle rustle of papers could be heard. Maxie and Lulu worked in perfect harmony as they muddled through Kate's orders.

"So, last night was fun… right?" Maxie interrupted the silence with her soft voice. Her tone was foreign and almost hesitant. It was as if she were asking permission to feel at ease.

"Yeah, yeah it was nice to get out." Lulu replied, smiling briefly in her direction. While Lulu did have a good time at the Haunted Star, she couldn't shake the churning in her stomach. Ever since her exchange with Ethan, she had been noticing the strangest things. The curve of Maxie's hip, the smell of her hair, the pout of her lips… needless to say, things were getting out of control.

"I was thinking maybe tonight we could-" Before Maxie was able to finish her thought, the ding of the elevator sounded. Both were shocked to see Spinelli appear from behind the elevator doors.

"Greetings fair Lulu… Maximista." He spoke curtly. His eyes seemed tight and his mouth formed a frown. Whatever he was there to discuss was not good.

"Spinelli! I didn't know you were coming by today." Maxie exclaimed, jumping from her chair like a jack in the box. Lulu shook her head at the display of eagerness. She was afraid that Maxie had gotten her hopes up, put too much faith in Spinelli's devotion. Because by the look in Spinelli's eye, he was a lot less forgiving than people gave him credit for.

"It was a- a decision of impulse if you will." He quietly replied. Maxie paused in uncertainty before stepping closer and letting a hesitant smile grace her lips.

"Well… I'm glad you're here. I missed you." She whispered the last part. The sincerity in her voice nearly killed Lulu.

"It's really nice that you came by Spinelli, but we have a ton of work to do. Maybe you two could just meet up a little later." Lulu interjected. She was almost positive that this wouldn't end well.

"I only need but a minute." He swallowed hard and looked away, his eyes landing on the window. He simply couldn't let himself drown in Maxie's blue orbs. One glance and he would be a goner.

"Have you decided who you want to sleep with? Is that why you're here. Just give me a name and I'll make it happen." Maxie scrambled to say everything that on her mind. And for the first time, Lulu understood what it felt like to watch two trains heading for each other. She was utterly powerless to stop this wreck. And in a way she was forced to watch it. To listen to every sound and drown in every tear that would be shed. Because tears certainly would be shed.

"I have come to, to refuse your unorthodox proposal. I will not under any circumstances be unfaithful to our relationship." He firmly stated. Lulu slammed her eyes shut, praying for it to end quickly.

"But Spinelli, it's the only way for things to be fair…" Maxie begged. The sound of her voice pinned Lulu to her chair.

"Fair? You think any of this is fair? You- you took my heart, which I offered to you both readily and graciously, and you just demolished it. You say that sleeping with the evil doer was a mistake, but the only mistake made was the willingness in which I gave away my faith. The faith I let rest in your tender hands." He spoke quietly, with conviction. The whole while refusing to let tears fall from his eyes. He had spent the majority of his time with Maxie, being the weak one. It was time for him to be strong.

"No, don't say that. It's my fault and I should be punished. But that doesn't mean- we can still work things out. You can't leave me Spinelli. You can't leave me." She cried, letting the situation wash over her.

"Indeed, I can. More importantly I have to. My fair, beautiful, Maximista…" He began wistfully. "Your love has shown me worlds I had never dreamed of. Your touch will be forever burned into my skin. And your betrayal will burn forever in my mind." He finished.

"Please. Don't do this." Her lips trembled with grief.

"You are not who I thought you were. Who I dreamed you up to be. I don't- I don't blame you for what happened. It is my incomparable demands and expectations that have led you to this point. I was trying to rewire you. It cannot be done." He finished sadly before turning to leave. Maxie covered her mouth with a hand and sobbed silently, never tearing her eyes from his retreating form. He pause at the elevator and looked back slowly. "Goodbye." He muttered. And then, he was gone.

"How did this… how did this happen?" Maxie whispered to herself, hands clutched to her chest.

"Maxie, it'll be okay." Lulu finally stood up, legs feeling like jelly. Had she not known better she'd have guess they'd both just ran a marathon.

"Okay? It will be okay?" Maxie wondered incredulously, still staring at the elevator. "On what planet is losing the one person who loves me okay?" She questioned, raising her voice and turning to Lulu.

"Now you're just being dramatic." Lulu snapped. "Spinelli isn't the only person who loves you. Not by a long shot." She finished.

"Family doesn't count, family has to love you." She muttered miserably.

"You have me." Lulu whispered.

"I do have you." Maxie sniffed thoughtfully. "You won't leave, will you Lulu? Even if things go terribly wrong and we hate each other again, you still won't leave me will you?" She asked, wiping her eyes.

"You know I won't. Whether I'm comforting you or torturing you… I'm _with _you." She smiled softly.

"Ditto." Maxie smiled, reaching out and grabbing Lulu's hand.

"God, when did we get so freakin' cheesy?" Lulu smirked, shoving Maxie playfully.

"I don't know, but we should stop immediately. I think it's giving me hives." Maxie replied in mock seriousness.

"Bitch." Lulu fired teasingly.

"Slut." Maxie snapped back. And for just a moment, all was right with the world.

**00000 00000 00000 **

Dante was a lot of things; charming, sweet, tough, and even a little clumsy. He was a lot of wonderful, endearing things. But Dante was not a patient man. And Lulu Spencer, with her games and her walls, was really testing his patients.

"Come on, pick up…" He muttered into his phone. While taking a stroll on the docks, Dante had been overcome with the need to hear her voice. She was getting to him, really getting to him. And it had all happened so fast. He'd never fallen so hard for a girl, and in such little time. If only he could get her to see just how amazing they could be together.

"Hello?" She finally answered. Her voice was slightly distracted and questioning.

"Hey, it's me." He replied, hoping that she could hear the smile in his voice.

"Oh." She sounded surprised. "Hey, what's up?" Her reaction may not have been what he hoped for, but he wasn't giving up just yet. They had chemistry, a spark… they had something worth fighting for.

"Well, I was just wondering what you were up to tonight. I haven't seen you in a few days and thought maybe I could take you out. Show you the town." He chuckled.

"Show me the town? You do know that I've lived here my whole life and you're the one who just moved here." She answered.

"It's an expression." He said rolling his eyes.

"It's a stupid expression." She pointed out. He smiled at her attitude. She was a challenge, and if nothing else, Dante loved a challenge.

"Fine, whatever. So when should I pick you up." He asked, moving forward with the discussion.

"Pick me up?" She repeated.

"For our date." He casually supplied. His confidence was something to be admired.

"I don't remember agreeing to a date mister presumptuous." She laughed into the phone.

"Come on Lulu… you know you're gonna say yes." He teased. She paused for a moment. A longer moment than he would have liked.

"I - I can't." She finally said. The smiled dropped from his face.

"You're taking this whole hard to get game to a new level, you know that right?" He mentioned, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"I'm not trying to play hard to get. I just, I can't tonight." She sounded conflicted, which peeked his curiosity.

"Why not?" He questioned, not sounding angry but only mildly interested.

"Well, Spinelli came by Crimson today and he broke up with Maxie. She's taking it really hard and I just - I need to be with her right now." She explained. Dante felt slightly relieved knowing that Lulu was simply trying to be a good friend.

"Don't you think maybe a little time alone would be good for her?" He asked, grasping at straws.

"Dante!" She exclaimed.

"No, I just mean… well sometimes when people are upset they like to be left alone for a while. Maybe she wants to take some time to herself and think or just, just be sad." He explained. She didn't respond so he decided to keep going. "Look, I'll bet you've been glued to her all day. You've probably been making sure she's okay every five seconds right?"

"Wha- I… well I'm just taking care of her." She defended.

"I know you are. And I'm sure she appreciates that but, maybe she would also appreciate a little space." He advised.

"You're just saying that because you want me to come out with you." She sighed.

"Maybe. But I'm also saying it because it's true." He spoke gently.

"I guess…" She conceded.

"Great, so what time should I pick you up?" He smiled happily.

"I still can't go out with you." She replied, causing him to twist his face in annoyance.

"What! Why?" He asked.

"Because I need to stay here. With Maxie." She explained.

"Lulu, we just went over this…" He felt exhausted by this point, as if he were running in circles.

"I know, I know. And you made some good points. She probably could use some space. And I'll give it to her… I'll stay in my room and let her have her space. But I have to be here in case she needs me." Lulu spoke with conviction and determination. Dante could tell that there would be no getting through to her on this one.

"Fine." He relented miserably.

"I'm sorry. I, well I actually wouldn't mind seeing you. It's been a while. But just, not tonight." She apologized sincerely.

"It's okay, I understand." He told her, though to be honest he didn't. He didn't understand why Lulu couldn't leave Maxie alone for a few hours to go out with him. He didn't understand why Lulu wasn't as desperate to see him as he was to see her. And he really didn't understand how someone as hot as Maxie had been dumped by a goof like Spinelli. But he'd keep all of that to himself, especially the last part.

"No you don't." She replied quietly, the hint of a smile tugging at her lips. If Dante wasn't mistaken, there was a fondness in her voice as she spoke. A fondness for him. "You don't understand why I'm camping out in my apartment to make sure a grown woman can handle a break up that she should have seen coming. And that's okay because I don't know if I understand either. I just know that- look Maxie has been there for me, she really comes through when I need her. And something you should know is that, when someone is loyal to me like that… I'm loyal back. When someone becomes family, that's it, they're family for life. It's the Spencer way." She explained.

"And Maxie is family." He mentioned, understanding things just a little bit better.

"Maxie is… yeah she's family." Lulu whispered. The words seemed too small, too unfulfilling of what Maxie truly was to her. But they would have to be good enough for now. Because for now, that's all they would be. Friends, coworkers… family.

**00000 00000 00000 **


	3. Here Is Gone

Authors Note - Here is the next chapter. I'm hoping that after this chapter the story will pick up some speed. I would really appreciate some reviews. I'd love to know what people think. And if anyone has any ideas or opinions I would love to hear them. Thank you for reading. Don't forget to review!

**Chapter 3: Here Is Gone**

She could barley breath, barley think, barley feel… all at once nothing and everything made sense. The world around her was hazy, blurry and unsure. Lulu found herself drowning in the blue of Maxie's eyes, her own eyes begging the blonde to throw her a life line, to save her.

"Maxie, please…" Lulu whispered. Her eyes were swimming with hot, unshed tears. When she had chased after Maxie, she had promised herself that she wouldn't cry.

"I think maybe, maybe you should go." Maxie muttered, breaking eye contact and looking away. It was the first time she had spoken since Lulu had barged into her room. Her hands were shaking, and it took everything in Lulu's body to stop her from reaching out and steadying them.

"Not like this. We can't leave things like this." She pleaded. If there was ever a time in her life to call upon the Spencer stubbornness, it was now.

"We can talk later. I just need- some space." Maxie replied, still refusing to look at Lulu. Standing up, Lulu crossed her arms and swallowed hard.

"From me, right? Not just space, space from me." She clarified, each word cutting her deeply. This conversation felt unreal, as though it were happening to someone else. As though she were watching from outside of herself.

"Yes." Maxie gulped, finally meeting Lulu's eye with her own. Lulu nodded and let out a long breath. She had started to rock back and forth on her feet with out even noticing it. Her fingers were clenched tightly, pinching her skin.

"Lulu…" Maxie whispered quietly, stepping forward with concern etched across her face. So much for being strong. Lulu was a wreck and this time Maxie couldn't pick up the pieces. This time Maxie had to sweep her shattered shards under the rug and pretend that nothing had ever been broken. She had to pretend that nothing had changed.

"I'm fine." Lulu snapped, stepping back. "I'll just, I'll go see Dante. He wanted to meet up with me tonight but I- I told him I had to be with you." She finished bitterly.

"You shouldn't be with him when you're like this. You might do something you'll regret." Maxie advised, looking uncertain. Lulu almost laughed out loud at the sentiment.

"I think I've already filled my quota for regret tonight." Her voice sounded raw and unhinged.

"It's not like that Lu, we can still-" Before Maxie could finish Lulu slammed her hand against the wall and cut her off.

"We can still, what? Be friends? Live together? Work together? Really Maxie, do you think any of that is possible? Do you!" She screamed. The hurt and anger in her eyes made Maxie feel as though she could go into respiratory arrest at any moment. But she didn't cry. She didn't deserve to cry.

"You're my best friend Lulu." Maxie whisper, stepping forward and grabbing her hand gently. The tension in Maxie's gut eased for a moment. If they could just be like this, quiet and still, for just a moment…

"No." Lulu ripped her hand away. Her voice was quiet but firm. "No, Maxie. I can't do this. I can't live like this."

"Why now? We've lived together for so long and you've never- we never had this problem." Maxie question raising her voice.

"I've felt this way for a long time, but I just buried it. I buried it beneath Spinelli, and Dante, our jobs, our family, even our friendship. It seemed so impossible but then- there was a moment, just one moment. And I thought that- I don't know what I thought. But we can't go back now. We can't ever go back." She explained, finally letting the tears fall. Her perfect face twisted in pain as tears littered her cheeks. Maxie's own beautiful face remained dry. As always, Maxie would hold herself together until no one was looking.

"I don't know what to say." Maxie whispered after a moment.

"Just tell me the truth. Have you ever… even for a moment, felt the same." Lulu wiped her eyes and stood up straight. Her face was set in stone, ready for whatever answer Maxie gave her.

"Lulu, I- I don't know." She stuttered, feeling like a swarm of bees were trapped in her stomach. She wouldn't cry, but she might throw up.

"Please, if you ever cared about me at all, you'll answer." Lulu begged. She needed to know. Even if the answer wasn't what she wanted, she needed to know.

"It doesn't matter how I feel, or how we feel…" Maxie replied.

"You're a coward." Lulu ground out.

"I know that." Maxie whispered.

"Maxie, you've always done what you wanted, to hell with the consequences. Why is this any different?" Lulu questioned.

"Because! Because this is us Lulu, this is us. My whole life is connected to you and to my friendship with you. You're my coworker, my house mate, my friend… nothing is worth risking that. Nothing." She answered. And even though things had gotten so entirely out of control, one thing had become clear. Lulu wasn't alone with her feeling. Not even a little bit.

"I'm going to meet with Dante. Don't wait up." She muttered before sailing through the door. As the apartment door slammed shut, so did Maxie's eyes. Reaching out to steady herself on table next to her bed, Maxie let the tears fall. They fell, and fell, and fell… she wasn't sure they'd ever stop.

**00000 00000 00000 **

"Hey, thanks for meeting me." Lulu smiled, sitting down at the table Dante had saved for them. Lulu's last minute call had left Dante pleasantly surprised. She had suggested that they go out for drink at Jakes, a drink she desperately needed.

"Sure. I knew you couldn't resist me for too long." He smirked. She chuckled in reply. She was using him, and she knew it was wrong. But she didn't know what else to do. If she stood still for too long, she'd fall apart. And who would pick her back up and piece her together?

"You're terrible." She rolled her eyes.

"You like me that way." He fired back. She smiled at the banter, she at least owed him a smile. "So, how's Maxie doing?" He questioned, taking a swig of the beer he had ordered. Maxie's name sent goose bumps down Lulu's arm. She found herself unable to dismiss the onslaught of memories that flooded her…

**Flashback **

_Knock, knock, knock. _

_The gentle tap on her door startled Lulu. She had been going through some photographs from the past year and had them spread out on her bed. _

"_Come in." She called. Maxie's face peeked into her room as the door opened. The tiny blood was wearing loose pajama pants and a small tank top. Lulu bit her lip to keep from smiling at her utter cuteness. _

"_Hey. What are you up to?" Maxie questioned, as she entered the room. Just as Dante had suggested, Lulu had given Maxie space that night. She had offered to cook dinner but Maxie had claimed that she wasn't hungry. Lulu took that as a sign that her friend wanted some time alone. So, Lulu had busied herself in her room, sorting through pictures and being swept away by the memories that each one held._

"_Just looking through some pictures. I didn't realize how many I had." She scooted over to give Maxie space to sit. Maxie peered at the pictures and giggled softly._

"_Oh my god, look at us in that one. Do you remember that night?" She grinned fondly._

"_Uh yeah, how could I forget. You accidentally got wasted on punch and tried to give one of Kate's investors a lap dance." Lulu snorted._

"_Hey! It was not that bad, I just got a little grabby." She defended, shoving Lulu lightly._

"_You were reaching for his belt buckle." Lulu replied, raising her eyebrows._

"_Okay, okay… fine, but I didn't know the punch was spiked." Maxie admitted._

"_Spiked? It was labeled as alcoholic." Lulu laughed._

"_Well I never read labels unless it's on clothing or accessories." The stubborn blonde tossed the picture aside and picked up another one. "Hey, I remember this outfit! The silk was to die for until you spilled cocktail sauce all over it." She accused, glaring at Lulu._

"_How long am I going to have to hear about that? I told you I was sorry." Lulu sighed._

"_And I told you not to eat at work events." Maxie fired back._

"_Fine, I won't eat at work events anymore… if you don't drink." Lulu teased. Maxie chuckled and rolled her eyes._

"_Deal." She said sticking out her hand for Lulu to shake. Lulu took hold of Maxie's small hand and felt a spark run through her. As they gently let go, Lulu could swear Maxie's eyes lingered on her own. _

"_So, we both know why I'm home on a Friday night, being pathetic. But why are you?" Maxie questioned, clearing her throat. Lulu bit her lip and nervously played with the corners of the picture she was holding. The picture was of her and Maxie, both wearing ridiculously large sunglasses and striking a mock-model pose. They looked really happy. _

"_Um… well Dante called and wanted to go out but-" She began to fiddle with another picture._

"_But what? I thought you liked Dante. I mean, I may be a little iffy about him but the boy is hot." Maxie interrupted. Lulu shrugged._

"_I guess but, I'm just not sure if it's worth it." She looked down._

"_What do you mean?" Maxie questioned softly, covering Lulu's hand with her own. Lulu's eyes shot up and her breath quickened. _

"_It doesn't feel right anymore, dating I mean. I just don't know if there is anyone out there that's right for me." She admitted. _

"_I'm not one of those idiots that believes there's someone out there for everyone. But Lulu, you're like- well you're different. There is someone out there for you. It might not be Dante but I just know you'll find love again." Maxie gently comforted her. It shouldn't be like this. Lulu was the one who was supposed to comfort Maxie. But even in her heartbroken state, Maxie would always be more okay with being alone than Lulu would. _

"_What if- what if I'm not right for the person who's right for me." She ventured._

"_That's impossible." Maxie smiled, squeezing Lulu's hand._

"_Maxie you don't understand…" Lulu whispered, breathing raggedly._

"_Then help me understand." She urged._

"_I think, I think the reason I can't find a guy to be with, is because I don't… want to be with a guy." She admitted, feeling as though her throat was about to close._

"_What do you mean, do you like want to be single for a while or something?" Maxie asked. Lulu couldn't tell if Maxie really didn't understand or if she was playing stupid, the way she sometimes did when things got intense. _

"_I don't know. I've been having feelings, for someone that I shouldn't have feelings for. And I've tried to ignore it but- but the more I ignore it, the stronger it gets. Maxie I can't- I don't know how to say this…" She rambled nervously. She looked down at their hands, still touching. _

"_Lu…" Maxie whispered. There was a realization in her eyes. _

"_Just, just tell me that I can tell you anything." Lulu replied. She was desperate for Maxie to give her a sign, some sort of sign that this was okay. That she was okay._

"_I don't - Lulu, I'm not sure if…" She trailed off. She couldn't give Lulu the words she needed. She couldn't. Lulu took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She blocked out the entire world, everything but the feel of Maxie's hand. Slowly, hesitantly, she turned her hand over and slid her fingers through Maxie's. Keeping her eyes closed, she let their hands lace together intimately. Maxie didn't fight her, didn't stop her. _

"_Is this, is this what you were trying to tell me?" Maxie struggled to ask. Her voice was so soft that Lulu almost didn't hear her. She finally opened her eyes and let herself take in Maxie's shocked face. She was surprised, but she wasn't running scared. Nodding slowly, Lulu leaned forward._

"_I didn't mean to… it just happened. And I couldn't make it stop. It's not- I'm not sure what it means." She explained. Maxie didn't respond, her hand became limp in Lulu's own. "Maybe if we just tried- just once…" She leaned forward more. She could feel the quick, nervous breaths coming from Maxie. She found herself close, so close to the blonde's perfect mouth. Her stomach clenched with anticipation. She had never wanted anything in her life more than she wanted Maxie in this moment._

"_No." Maxie jumped back, seeming to wake from a daze. "We can't, Lulu, we can't." She stood from Lulu's bed and ran from the room with out another word. And like everything else in Lulu's life, what she wanted most had been ripped away. She let her head drop and found her eyes drawn to a picture. One of her and Maxie smiling widely, as though nothing in the world mattered. Would she ever see that smile again?_

**End Flashback**

"Lulu? Hey, Lulu!" Dante called, snapping his fingers at her. She blinked and shook her head.

"Sorry I just zoned out for a minute. Let's just- let's not talk about Maxie tonight." She explained.

"Did you two get in a fight or something?" He seemed genuinely concerned and it only made Lulu feel worse.

"Everything's fine. Tonight isn't about Maxie though." She replied, lying through her teeth. "Tonight is about you and me." She smiled and grabbed his hand. As he laced his fingers through her own, she felt an odd numbness creep through her.

"Sounds good to me." He took another swig from his beer. She took a long drink of her own. After a moment she felt a restlessness sweep over her. Dante began to tell some story from his childhood and she listen halfheartedly. She felt like she was crawling out of her skin.

"Let's get a room." She spoke suddenly, startling him.

"Uh, what?" He looked confused and surprised.

"A room, upstairs. I want to be alone with you." She bit her lip, in the way that she knew could drive a person crazy with lust. She knew that because Maxie did it all the time. And every time her perfect teeth took hold of her plump lip, Lulu couldn't say no. Looking at Dante, she could tell that he too would be unable to say no.

"After you." He smiled, looking as though he'd just won the lottery. The sinking feeling in her gut told Lulu that she was about to take another page from Maxie's book. She was about to self destruct.

**00000 00000 00000 **

Maxie spent the rest of the night tossing and turning in bed. She went over everything that had been said, over and over. Dissecting each and every moment she and Lulu had shared together. She even went back into Lulu's room and poured over the pictures laying on her bed. Her heart was aching so badly she thought she might pass out.

She watched as the clock turned from one, to two, and finally to three in the morning. Lulu's wasn't coming home. The notion hit her like a ton of bricks. What if she never came home? What if she was so hurt that she ran away and Maxie never saw her again. Forcing herself to calm down, Maxie began to think rationally. Lulu would come back. She had promised that she would always be there. She had promised.

Maxie's face was red and splotchy from crying, and her chest was so tight she felt like she had ran a marathon. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Lulu's face, twisted in pain. Pain that she had caused. Why couldn't she had been brave, just for once in her life. She could have leant in, she could had let Lulu's lips cover her own. She could have taken a risk, she was supposed to be good at taking risks. But this was different. In the past she had mostly taken risks that were destructive. But Lulu wasn't destructive. Not to Maxie. To Maxie, Lulu was… everything.

**00000 00000 00000 **

The walk of shame. Lulu trudged up the stairs to her and Maxie's apartment bright and early after spending the night with Dante. She wanted to get in, change, and get out before Maxie woke up. She was planning to spend a few days at the Quartermaine house. But she didn't dare show up to that house unprepared. She needed her essentials if she was going to survived those vultures.

"Ugh." She groaned, feeling as though the stairs would never end. She felt dirty, sluggish, and rejected. But most of all, she felt like there was a huge hole in her heart. So big that the whole world could see.

"Boo." Clutching her chest in surprise, Lulu came face to face with a slim man. He stepped out of the shadows and smiled at her.

"Mr. Franco!" She uttered in surprise.

"Well, isn't this convenient." He said, more to himself than to her. "You'll have to do." He muttered. And with those final words he grabbed her arm forcefully and covered her mouth with a cloth smelling of some sort of toxin. She felt herself struggle for a moment before her limbs became week. Her eyes drifted shut and she found herself swirling into blackness. The last image in her mind was that of Maxie's eyes.

**00000 00000 00000**


End file.
